January 22, 2017
When did we begin to accept basic rudeness as acceptable? I believe we all, for the most part, know the basics of good manners. I believe we know how to use good manners. We choose not to!
Oh, we all say, "Hello," use "excuse me" to get through a crowded area, and even throw out "please" and "thank you" at acceptable times. But do we stop there? Yes, most of us believe saying the words by rote is practicing good manners. Some of us even work hard to practice the exemplary table manners our parents painstakingly forced us to learn as children. When the meal is complete, we can silently praise our outstanding etiquette, and feel superior. And in there lies our fault.
Good manners are guides for behaving appropriately in polite society. Well, our society isn't very polite, and it is our fault. We created this society. Yes, we did! Somewhere along the last forty years, maybe even longer, we began to accept the idea that whatever we feel or think needs to be shared, verbally, with the rest of our peer group. If we deliberately hurt someone's feelings, we justify it by standing on the ground that "honesty is the best policy", or "the truth hurts". Why do we need to hurt others to get our point across?
One the other hand, when did we become so sensitive and outraged by another's poor choice of words. We are okay with pointing out other's faults, but are offended if someone points out a perceived flaw in our own behavior. The we go one step further and decide no one can say or believe anything we disagree with because we are then offended. We then go one step further and appoint ourselves the "politically correctness police", calling out those who disagree as something less than we see ourselves. I call "balderdash!"
I believe we have become a very self-centered and self-indulgent people. "It is all about me." When did looking out for others become so obsolete? Why are we not looking out for our neighbor? Why are we not worried about how the other man/woman might feel if we say what we are thinking? Social media has created a huge audience of selfish people looking for the number of shares and likes to a post, regardless what that post might be, receives. It all becomes about how popular one becomes for the moment. Kind of reminds me of the hateful days of high school, only it is worse. We should care about how others feel as a person. We do not all have to agree to walk/work side-by-side.
We are pushed, pulled, and guilted into believing that there is a certain way to think, a certain cause that MUST be supported, and particular candidate or policy that must be destroyed, and if we don't get on board we are a bigot, a deplorable, an idiot. We are all intelligent human beings, all having the ability to form our own opinions, and capable of expressing those opinions. This country was founded on freedoms, and one of those freedoms is freedom of speech. We were not founded on the freedoms of rude behavior and hateful speech. All humans should be treated with dignity, and it is our responsibility to to so. Honest disagreements over religion, politics, women's marches, education, etc... are going to always be in the mix, but how we each respond to those disagreements is the true measure of a person.
Good manners goes beyond going through a very few motions and responses. We need to listen, without interrupting. We need to acknowledge other people with a smile, a nod, a verbal response. We need to THINK before we speak, write, text, We need to look beyond the words, the protests, the anger and see the human on the other sided. Maybe, we need to "walk that mile in his shoes" and try some empathy,
This post has the tone of ranting, and I am ranting because I am so saddened by the way we treat one another. We, are called as God's people, to practice the virtue of charity (love), and we, as an American society, are not doing a very good job.
It is still a very new year. Let's all try to pause and use some good manners. It might not even be noticed the first few days, but it will make a difference. Read that text before you hit send. Is that response or post on Facebook really what you want the whole world to read? I remind my students that their future spouses, children, and even grandchildren will be able to find their entire past on Google. Will those results be positive reflections?
