The Journey of True Fatherhood

Today has been designated Father's Day!  A day for cards, gifts, cookouts, and pampering for our Fathers. When the kids were smaller, we had a few traditions for this special day, one being to spend the entire day outdoors. Missouri weather in June is usually warm, but not terribly hot, so our days were filled with backyard games, gifts, and grilling supper on the patio. Because the kids are no longer living at home, and other life events happened, these traditions have fallen by the wayside. However, we all need to take time and acknowledge the true fathers in our lives.

Fatherhood is not an easy journey.  In generations past, fatherhood success was measured by how well a man provided for his family, how well his children behaved, and how successful his children became as adults.  These are good measuring tools, but certainly not a realistic look at fatherhood. As we all know, there is much more involved in being a parent.  There are nights of sleepless worry, long evenings of after school activities, teacher conferences, homework assistance, and the list goes on.

My husband, Keith, is an amazing father.  He is not always the stereotypical "Dad", and that is what makes him a true example for our three children.  Keith always aspired to have a regular-houred job so that he could be home on evenings and weekends.  And he has worked very hard to create a career that continues to provide for our family.  However, there were numerous years we could not make ends meet on our two regular salaries, so Keith took on extra work.  He has flipped burgers at McDonalds, cleaned office buildings, refinished floors, worked the sporting goods counter at WalMart, and served several years as school custodian.  Even with all those extra work hours, he always made time to play with the kids, making his days off something we all looked forward to.  Over the years, he has coached basketball and soccer, sometimes when our kids were not playing on his team!

Most importantly Keith has taught our children, by example, how to treat other people, regardless of personal opinion.  He has encouraged, and sometimes forced, our children to share their opinions, debate the issues, and form independent thought. Disagreeing with their father was allowed, as long as it was done respectfully.  He would discipline the teen-age years with a firm, quiet, no nonsense approach, but hardly ever got irritated.  He encouraged each of the children to follow dreams and explore nontraditional areas of education.  Keith always treats me with love and respect and expected the same from his children.  His greatest joy at this time in his life is celebrating, any occasion will do, with his children.

Those who know Keith know he is a relaxed, easy going individual.  That example of how to face challenges and disappointments has served as a great example for our kids.  His attitude of "it will work out, we just have to figure it out", has served us all well. He truly enjoys spending time with his family, and isn't embarrassed to show it! He has taught all of us how to have fun!

Sometimes fatherhood has nothing to do with biology. Often we encounter great "father figures" who are not related to our families at all.  Growing up I had Gene McGinnis, Max Shinkle, and Bill Nelson, friends of my parents.   My memories of these men are warm, laughter-filled, lesson-learning memories. My children have their Uncles Joel and Jake to look toward for guidance and encouragement.

Both of these men, although the same age, actually attended the same University, are very different.  Joel, Keith's brother, lives in the Kansas City area and travels a great deal for his career.  he and his wife Michelle have offered two of my children lodging for extended periods of time as they pursued internships and career training. Joel and Michelle have a very open policy of "my house, your house" which has helped us a great deal. What a wonderful example of true hospitality.

Jake, my brother, lives in Kansas, does not travel much, and has had a great influence in the lives of our children.  He loves to laugh, enjoys a great joke, and is a good listener.  All three kids have had the opportunity to work side-by-side with Jake completing tasks on the family ranch.  Over the last few years Jake has worked very hard to nurture a relationship with his niece and nephews. His influence in their lives is extremely valuable.

All three of these men, Keith, Jake, Joel, live different lifestyles, work at very different careers, and enjoy their free time differently.  They all have traveled the journey of fatherhood, and they have each approached it with their own style.  While most of us automatically associate fatherhood with the biological link to offspring, there are "fathers" who are examples of who a man should be.

To all the men who step forward to guide and lead the next generations, thank you for being fathers.  Happy Father's Day!